


Just A Lost Boy (Ready To Be Found)

by imthehotgirl



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Bisexual Male Character, Depression, M/M, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2019-10-19 19:14:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17607311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imthehotgirl/pseuds/imthehotgirl
Summary: Evan Buckley thought he'd found the love of his life at the age of nineteen. He was wrong in ways he wasn't quite prepared for at such a young age. It's not until he starts working at the 118 fire station that his life begins turning around. And it's not until he meets Eddie Diaz that he finally starts believing in himself and the idea of true love again.





	1. My Youth Is Yours

**Author's Note:**

> This fic came about due to a few things happening all around the same time. I finally saw the movie 'Boy Erased' and was pretty messed up emotionally afterwards. Ugh. Such a fantastic movie! Also Ashley Tisdale came out with her song 'Love Me & Let Me Go' which is her tackling her anxiety through song, which I think is so damn brave. :o) And finally Troye Sivan's album 'Blue Neighbourhood' has just destroyed me in all the best ways. I've been into several of his songs for awhile now, but it's nice to finally have this full album, been a long time coming on this fan's part to get it. <3 Heh And lastly, with all of these things I couldn't get the idea of our boys (Buck and Eddie, naturally) out of my head and before I knew it I had the majority of this fic mapped out. It'll be angsty as hell, heartfelt and very sweet, I promise. If you hang with me through this emo journey I promise to make it worth it in the end. <3 Love y'all! Enjoy!

Evan Buckley had his first kiss when he was twelve years old. Marco Valdez was his best friend in middle school and the two of them were practically inseparable.

One afternoon the two of them sat on the rooftop of his house, right outside his bedroom window. Buck wasn’t quite sure where he’d found his bravery to follow Marco like he had, but Marco made it look effortless and reassured Buck that he could do it.

And before Buck could chicken-out he clambered out onto the roof, keeping his eyes glued to Marco, telling himself that if he made it to Marco’s side he’d do something so incredibly brave it’d impress his friend.

“Evan, do you like Debbie Stein?” Marco demanded of him suddenly.

Buck shrugged indifferently, attempting to ignore the fluttering in his stomach. Did Marco know that he thought Debbie was pretty, and that he kinda wanted to kiss her? “She’s all right, I guess. But she’s not…she’s not you, Marco. You’re my best friend,” Buck insisted firmly.

“Good,” Marco said, taking a hold of Buck’s hand. And before Buck completely lost his nerve he leaned over and kissed Marco chastely and briefly on the lips. It was over so fast that the pounding of his heart and tingling of his lips were the only confirmation that he had really gone through with it. Marco gave him a small smile. “Girls are pretty weird, huh?” Marco asked him.

The truth was Buck couldn’t understand why he couldn’t be friends with Debbie too. Yeah, she was different, but it was her differences that made her interesting to Buck.

But he knew that Marco wanted it to be just the two of them. Forever if possible. And Buck was okay with that. He cared about Marco a great deal and didn’t want to lose the other boy’s friendship just because he might be going gooey over some girl. Feelings were so complicated.

Clearing his throat, he gave Marco a forced smile. “Yeah. Yeah, they are,” he mumbled in agreement.

**

Connor Owens was a junior at Los Angeles City College majoring in Kinesiology when Buck met him as a sophomore and just figuring out he wanted to major in Child and Family studies, with a heavy focus on Children with Special Needs.

They both happened to be studying in the library for Fall semester finals when Buck glanced upward hearing Connor grumble and let out an annoyed sigh.

“Hey, your eyes swimming as badly as mine are, right now?” Buck asked him, flashing a confident grin in the other man’s direction.

“Hell, yeah,” Connor readily agreed, letting out an amused laugh. “I’m Connor Owens.”

“Evan Buckley. Nice to meet you, Connor,” Buck replied, shaking the other man’s hand when he held it out, making sure to hold Connor’s gaze as he did so.

“Would you want to take a break from studying and have dinner with me?” Connor asked.

“Yeah. Yeah, I would,” Buck murmured in agreement easily.

**

Buck and Connor were soon doing everything with one another, much like he and Marco would when he was still in middle school. Except Buck’s relationship with Connor was a bit more adult. They drank beer or wine depending on the occasion; they would go running early in the mornings with one another, while other times they would stay up late talking about subjects ranging from anything and everything from what they hoped to accomplish once they’d graduated, to philosophy, gay rights and their families.

It wasn’t long after they began to really open-up with one another that they fell into bed together. And not too long after they became a couple and Buck felt himself falling hopelessly in love.

In retrospect Buck could admit the two of them were moving a bit fast, but at the time all he could see was his future, which in his mind was him and Connor spending as much of their free time with one another as possible. He had a bad case of what he privately referred to as the ‘Marco’s’. Which boiled down to seeing forever with someone when he wasn’t certain if another person saw the future like he did. It was devastating to come to terms with that knowledge, but as long as he had Connor in some capacity, he figured he’d be all right.

**

The night Connor proposed Buck felt like his entire world was finally coming into focus clearly for the first time in a very long time. The two of them went out to celebrate, Buck reassuring Connor he could wait to tell his family the news in the morning.

Connor chuckled, lightly kissing Buck on the cheek as the two of them wound their way (a bit tipsy) back to the apartment they shared.

The following morning in-between his classes Buck called Maddie to tell her the good news. Maddie seemed happy enough for him, if a bit reserved. But Buck didn’t think much of it because he knew if Doug were nearby she wouldn’t want to seem too excited by the prospect of her ‘gay brother’s recent engagement’ (never mind the fact if Buck were bisexual or not, Doug didn’t see a difference).

“I love you, Mads. Talk soon?” Buck asked hopefully, arriving at the apartment to drop off a few of his books, a smile gracing his features as he spoke with his sister, shifting a bit so he was able to put his key into the door lock.

The lock slid into place, clicking open as Buck used his shoulder as leverage to open the front door more fully.

“Of course, Buck. Love you too, little brother. Congrats again,” Maddie promised softly into the phone before they ended their call.

Tucking his phone into his backpocket, Buck shut the door behind him, making his way further into the apartment.

“Hey, babe! I’m home!” he called out to his fiancé. His brow furrowed slightly when he got no response. “Connor? You home? Baby…?”

He felt his mouth go dry as he approached the bedroom. A small wash of light splashed over the room, lighting on two male bodies moving in the bed. Buck was faintly aware of his backpack slipping off his shoulder and falling to the floor, a dull thud echoing in his ears. He tried to move but felt immobilized, transfixed by what he was seeing take place in front of him.

He felt tears burning at the back of his throat as he struggled to hold them back when Connor finally turned toward him. He stumbled backwards, hastily picking up his backpack as he headed towards the front door once again.

“Evan! Hold up a minute. Please!” Connor begged.

With shaking limbs, Buck swallowed hard, reluctantly turning around to face his fiancé, relieved to see he’d at least pulled on a robe before trying to have this conversation.

“Why? Why should I give you a chance to explain yourself? You’re-you’re cheating on me, Connor,” Buck choked out.

Connor looked at him, confusion flooding his features. “I thought you of all people would be okay with this. Open to it. I mean, you’re bisexual, right?”

Color drained from Buck’s face. “What-what does my being bi have to do with this situation?” he stammered.

Connor chuckled, shrugging noncommittally. “Come on, hon. You can’t be this naïve. Everyone knows that bisexuals can’t commit. I’d have a better chance of finding a monogamous lesbian couple right now than a monogamous bisexual,” he insisted, crossing his arms at his chest, his gaze hardening the longer he looked at Buck.

Buck swallowed hard again, his nostrils flaring slightly, averting his gaze to the floor.

Maddie had always lightly teased him, calling him a unicorn among thousands of stallions. Now he figured he really was one.

“I’m not sold on that logic. But what I do know from this experience is that certain gay men can’t commit. Congratulations, we’re done. I’ll come get my stuff tomorrow,” Buck said, taking his engagement ring off before shoving it into Connor’s chest, turning on his heel, tightly gripping the strap of his backpack and walking out the front door.

TBC...


	2. I Love But I Don't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck joins the 118, meets Eddie and deals with conflicting feelings.

In the days that followed Buck managed to gather everything up he’d had in his shared apartment with Connor, heading back to the dorms.

Once there he spent a few days buried underneath his comforter, wallowing and silently trying to figure out where he was headed now.

When he realized that was pointless, he finally dragged himself out of bed early enough that he could go running again, but consciously making an effort to avoid the areas of campus he and Connor used to run together.

He’d also become a bit of a regular at one of the local ‘straight’ bars and managed to hook-up with young women nearly every night. The sex was meaningless, but it was fun. And if that was all Buck could manage from life, being who he was, he’d take it.

One afternoon he found himself out running through town when he drew up short upon seeing a firetruck pull up outside a house that was ablaze. Silently watching the firefighters and paramedics pile out of the truck and head into the building Buck continued to take in the scene unfolding before his eyes of the fire finally being put out, children being carried outside, followed by a woman who was sobbing, but apparently grateful as her kids gathered around her, hugging her tightly before the four of them turned toward what was left of their home.

Buck for his part couldn’t shake the image of those kids being carried out of the burning building to be attended to immediately. It was something he carried with him for the next several days. He found himself incapable of continually going back to books, back to studying when he knew something like this was out there. That it was a possibility.

Sure, he’d always known to some extent that firefighters were heroes. But to see it firsthand like he had made him want that for himself. And even if he was kind of freaked by the idea of change it also helped him feel like he had some semblance of control over the direction his life was heading in. Especially with everything else seeming to fall around him and not in a poetic way but more in a destructive, emotionless sort of way.

**

A few months after he’d officially passed all of the necessary tests and drills Buck found his ‘new home’ of sorts among the crew of the 118 firehouse.

When he’d officially met his Captain Bobby Nash, Bobby had nodded, held out his hand and welcomed him aboard. And then when Bobby introduced Buck as Evan to Chimney and Hen, Buck was quick to correct him, insisting they call him ‘Buck’, which cemented the feeling of home a little more, made him miss Maddie and had the ghosts from his past he’d struggled to bury stay buried.

They all assumed he was a sex addict, he didn’t rush to correct their assumptions and figured after awhile that they may have a point. But he continued to have one-night stands with women because mostly it was what he knew, understood and was comfortable with at this point. And if any of the women he chose to mess around with automatically assumed he was straight he didn’t go out of his way to correct them either.

There was still a small part of him that ached for something more, something just out of reach that he couldn’t quite see. When Abby entered his life he felt sure he’d found it with her. The relationship he had with her helped him mature in ways he wasn’t expecting.

But as quickly as she’d entered his life she vanished. And he missed her now that she was gone. Although after awhile he had to admit that he wasn’t sure if he truly missed Abby or just the idea of her.

Before he could fully process it all though Eddie came waltzing into his life like he’d always been a part of it and Buck felt like his entire world had just turned sideways. Or even worse yet completely upside down.

**

The anger, Buck had some semblance of control over whenever interacting with Eddie; it made sense to him. How dare this guy come into the 118, make himself so damn comfortable with Buck’s friends at a job he’d just barely begun grasping?

Buck didn’t care if Eddie had been hand-selected by Cap either. It didn’t make it right. None of what was happening between him and Eddie felt right.

Buck wanted the other guy gone, out of their lives. They didn’t need him to do their jobs, regardless of the fact that Buck could (somewhat grudgingly) admit now that Eddie was damn good at what he did.

He found himself struggling to keep the other man at a distance, which grew harder with each passing day because Buck came to the realization that they were becoming friends. And despite his instincts screaming at him not to, Buck was taking down a few of the walls he’d attempted to put up and he was beginning to trust Eddie.

When Eddie first told Buck about Christopher he could feel an old familiar flutter in his stomach that he hadn’t felt in ages. And when he met the kid? Forget about it. He was gone.

Buck didn’t dare acknowledge his feelings during daylight hours, especially when he and Eddie shared the same shift. He barely even thought about his feelings at night either. But just before he was falling asleep he could admit to himself that Christopher was freaking awesome, and yeah, the kid had a pretty great dad too.

**

After Buck had introduced Eddie to Carla he could see a marked difference in his friend. Eddie was more at ease, relaxed, knowing his son was being cared for. It helped the guy loosen up more than Buck thought possible.

One night after a tough shift Buck invited Eddie over to his place (well, Abby’s really) for a drink, steeling himself to be shot down, expecting Eddie to be anxious to get home to Christopher.

Surprisingly, Eddie agreed to his request easily, telling Buck he just needed to get in touch with Carla real quick to give her a heads-up about his unexpected plans.

In a matter of time the two of them found themselves situated in the living room, each with a beer in hand.

“You want to watch a movie or something?” Buck suggested, nodding in the direction of the TV.

Eddie shook his head. “Nah, I’m good. I just…I wanted to unwind a bit. Hang out with my best friend for awhile. Talk, ya know?”

Buck’s eyes widened and his head snapped up to meet Eddie’s gaze full-on, his chest tightening somewhat painfully, panic setting in.

“I’m…? Talk about what?” he started, quickly veering off mid-question and asking another instead, hoping Eddie wouldn’t notice his slip-up before flashing the other man a forced smile.

“I know you probably don’t want to talk about it, especially with me, considering the last time I brought it up you practically bit my head off… But, uh, how’re you doing in regard to everything with Abby? I mean, you consider yourself single again, am I right? How long were you planning on staying in your ex’s place?” Eddie wondered aloud, his hand running along the back of his neck as he looked at Buck with anxious eyes.

The mention of Abby’s name stung slightly, but despite that, Buck felt the pain in his chest lessen considerably as he gave Eddie a smug smile.

“What’re you offering, Diaz? Christopher want me to move in with you two or something?” he asked, the fluttering in his stomach he’d grown accustomed to feeling whenever he and Eddie interacted on a personal level making its presence known.

Eddie let out a sharp laugh of surprise, taking a drink of his beer. “Yeah, we’ve talked about it a few times, actually. Can’t say I’m opposed to the idea,” he replied, his voice dropping an octave as the two of them continued to hold each other’s gazes.

Buck’s tongue ran along his lips, struggling to quell the anxiety welling inside him as he mentally balked at this change.

“Tell the kid I’m in,” he murmured instead, setting his beer bottle down onto the coffee table so Eddie wouldn’t notice that his hands had started trembling. “Excuse me a minute. Just, uh, gotta let Maddie know I won’t need to use her couch or air mattress anytime soon,” he said, getting to his feet, winking at Eddie before leaving the room.

Entering the bathroom, he set his phone on the sink, no intention of calling Maddie like he’d told Eddie. Instead he squared his shoulders and looked into the mirror, glaring slightly at his reflection. “You’ll be fine. This’ll be fun. This is a completely different experience. Eddie’s your best friend. He’s an awesome guy and a wonderful dad. He’s nothing like… Christopher’s an amazing kid and looks up to you. This is not the same thing. At all. Just. Shut. Up,” he growled, wiping at his eyes as he willed the shaking of his limbs to stop.

Drawing in a deep, slow, calming breath he picked up his phone and pulled Maddie’s name up on the screen. But before he could get in touch with his sister, he heard a knock on the door.

“Buck, you okay?” Eddie called out from the other side of the bathroom door. Buck swallowed, biting down on his lip before pulling the door open.

“Yeah, man. All good. Couldn’t get in touch with Mads, so, uh, I’ll try her tomorrow, fill her in,” he reassured Eddie with a bright smile he wasn’t exactly feeling, patting the other man on the shoulder to drive home the point he was fine.

Eddie nodded in understanding, worry still reflected in his eyes as he looked at Buck.

“Okay. I should probably get going. See you tomorrow?” he asked.

“Yup. Looking forward to hearing how Christopher reacts to the news,” Buck said, his features melting into a giddy smile as he thought about Eddie’s son.

Eddie chuckled. “All right. See you tomorrow, Buck,” he promised softly, pulling Buck into a brief hug.

“Later, Eddie,” Buck murmured, watching as the other man walked out the door.

TBC...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, loves! <3 Don't hesitate to leave comments and/or kudos. :o)


	3. Stay Awhile (Stay With Me)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck enjoys his time with the Diaz family. Things develop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um, I had the absolutely BEST time working on this chapter!! :o) I hope y'all enjoy this one as much as I have! <3

After a few weeks of living with Eddie and Christopher, Buck came to the realization that the three of them had fallen into a routine.

Whenever he and Eddie worked the same shift they woke up in time to have breakfast, all three of them together, and then they’d take Christopher to school before heading to the station.

When Buck didn’t work Eddie would still keep the routine, letting Buck sleep in if he wanted, which more often than not he did. But once he did get his day started he’d go grocery shopping, making sure the fridge was stocked with enough of the food the three of them all liked to eat. And if Eddie was getting home in time for dinner Buck would make enough food for the two of them and Christopher. But if not, he’d make dinner for him and Christopher, making sure the kid ate all his vegetables, confiding in Christopher that if he did, Eddie would be proud of him and they could both avoid the dreaded ‘Dad glare’ when they called to FaceTime before Christopher’s bedtime.

Christopher just laughed, ate all his food eagerly, usually asked for seconds and told Buck that the older man would be the one in trouble with his dad if Buck didn’t eat all his food like he’d promised. Buck would pretend to sulk and insist Christopher was spending too much time with Athena since he was being such a good rule follower. Then he’d wink at the kid and ask him if he was ready for dessert.

And on the days both he and Eddie had off from work sometimes they’d have lazy afternoons where they’d watch movies into the night, letting Christopher pick which ones to watch next if it happened to be over the weekend. While other days they’d pick Christopher up early from school and they’d just go driving around the city, sometimes heading to the beach for the day.

It was just all so domestic. Which was something Buck hadn’t been quite prepared for when he’d first agreed to Eddie’s suggestion after first moving in, but it was without a doubt something he was beginning to appreciate.

**

“Ooh, this is a great song! Turn it up!” Buck insisted excitedly, practically bouncing in the passenger seat of Eddie’s truck.

Eddie just chuckled, grinning as he met Christopher’s gaze in the rearview mirror before doing as he was told, Lauv’s song ‘I Like Me Better’ filling the vehicle.

Buck rolled down his window before singing along to the song. As they pulled up to a stoplight he locked eyes with Eddie, singing the beginning of the chorus: “I like me better when..” before immediately turning to look at Christopher in the backseat. “I’m with you.”

Christopher giggled uncontrollably while Eddie laughed hard as well, making his way through traffic once again as Buck continued to sing along to the song, making sure to point and grin at Christopher every time he got to the chorus of the song.

All too soon the song ended, and they’d reached Christopher’s school. “That was fun!” Christopher declared happily, grinning from ear-to-ear.

“You know it,” Buck agreed as he and Eddie climbed from the truck. As Eddie rounded the vehicle, Buck opened the door behind the passenger side. “You mind?” he asked the other man, nodding in the direction of Christopher, where the boy was still strapped in his car seat.

Eddie gave him a slow, easy smile that Buck could’ve sworn curled his toes. “Go for it,” he murmured encouragingly.  
Buck nodded, flashing Eddie a brief smile, incapable of speech for a moment. Clearing his throat, he helped Christopher out of the car, setting him down gently onto the pavement.

“Have a good day at school, kiddo,” he told Christopher affectionately, taken aback for a moment when Christopher hugged him around the legs.

“Take care of Daddy at work,” Christopher instructed seriously.

“I always do,” Buck replied just as seriously.

“All right, mi hijo. Time for school,” Eddie said, a fond expression on his face as he watched his son walk toward him.

Running a hand over his mouth, Buck climbed back into the truck, watching Eddie give his own goodbyes to Christopher.

A short while later Eddie climbed into the driver’s seat and in a matter of minutes they’d left the school parking lot behind them and were headed in the direction of work.

“So, did Christopher impart any words of wisdom on you this morning?” Buck asked curiously, barely biting back an amused grin as he glanced at the other man while Eddie continued to drive.

“Pretty much what he tells me every day I have to work. That he loves me and that he made you promise to keep me safe and that I should do the same for you,” Eddie said, his eyes softening as he looked at Buck.

Buck averted his eyes for a moment, clearing his throat again. “Anything else?”

“Oh! Yeah, the song you were singing earlier… he’s insisting that’s our family song now,” Eddie told him, chuckling softly.

Buck’s eyes widened in surprise. “Meaning the-the three of us?” he choked out. “Right. Look, I’m sorry. I should-I should probably give you guys a little more space. Don’t want to confuse the kid,” he muttered, giving Eddie a forced smile.

Eddie’s brow furrowed. “You have nothing to apologize for, Buck. Christopher’s crazy about you. I’m not worrying about where his head’s at and neither should you, all right? I appreciate the protectiveness, but we’re good, Buck. Promise,” he replied, squeezing Buck’s shoulder reassuringly.

Buck nodded, sighing softly, relief flooding him at Eddie’s words, doing his best to shake off his own doubt as they pulled up to the station.

**

A couple months later, deep into January, Buck had just returned home from the grocery store to find Eddie and Christopher in the middle of intently coloring in Christopher’s X-Men and Avengers coloring books.

“Hard at work, huh?” he teased as he began putting away ice cream into the freezer.

Eddie grinned up at him. “You know it,” he replied, leaning back slightly against Buck’s shoulder as Buck hovered over him, silently inspecting the work he’d done on Thor’s hammer.

“Nice! All right, well, when you get a minute, I could use some help bringing in the rest of the groceries, babe,” Buck told him, leaning over and brushing his lips against Eddie’s before heading back out to his car, grabbing more bags before heading back in the direction of the house.

It wasn’t until he reached the porch again that he realized, like a sucker punch to the gut, what he’d just done. “Dammit,” he whispered hoarsely, dread consuming him as he entered the house again. It took everything within him not to run in the opposite direction.

Stepping back into the kitchen he set the grocery bags down on the kitchen table, struggled to come up with something to say, realized he couldn’t find the words and instead let out a frustrated noise in response to Eddie pleading with him to stay so they could talk about what’d just happened, and slunk off to the guest room to hide like a coward.

Once there he grabbed his phone off its charger and tried to call Maddie. After the third attempt just kicking him to her voicemail, Buck let out another frustrated growl, running a hand through his hair and called somebody else in hopes that this person would be able to give him some solid advice.

“Hey, Buck, what’s up, man?” Chimney asked after answering the phone.

“I just…I just did something really stupid,” Buck mumbled, stopping the pacing he’d been doing and collapsed backward onto the bed.

“Wait. Does this have anything to do with Eddie?” Chimney demanded.

Color drained from Buck’s face at Chimney’s words. He hadn’t been that obvious about his feelings for the other man, had he? “How’d you figure that one out?” he asked, his thoughts running in a hundred different directions.

“Just figured it might since he called Maddie a few minutes ago and they’re discussing something pretty serious I’d guess,” Chimney replied.

“He did?” Buck asked hesitantly, his eyes gravitating towards his closed bedroom door, wondering what Eddie could possibly be talking about with Maddie. “Chim?” he finally ventured, desperate to continue his own conversation now.

“Yeah, man?” Chimney asked him.

“I-I kissed Eddie,” Buck admitted.

“Okay. You, uh, you do know you didn’t need to tell me that, right, Buck?” Chimney told him.

“Right. It’s just, it kinda happened unexpectedly. I thought I was dreaming and then when I realized I’d really kissed him, rather than talk to him about it like a mature adult, I freaked out, and now I’m hiding in my bedroom spilling my guts to you,” Buck explained.

“Got it. So, do you want to be doing that? Kissing Eddie, I mean?” Chimney asked.

Buck sighed softly. “Yeah. Yeah, man, I really do.”

“Okay then. Now you just need to man up, admit you were scared and tell him what you really want,” Chimney advised.

Buck drew in a shaky breath, running a hand over his face. “Thanks, Chim,” he murmured gratefully.

“Sure, Buck. Anytime,” Chimney said.

After hanging up the phone and tossing it on the bed, Buck slowly got to his feet, his legs feeling a little unsteady as he made his way toward the bedroom door. Opening the door, he wasn’t surprised to see Eddie standing in the doorway.

“Hey,” he mumbled, giving Eddie a weak smile.

“Hey. So, you kind of left me all kinds of confused back there,” Eddie said, motioning in the direction of the kitchen.

Buck swallowed, his eyes falling to the floor for a minute until he gathered his courage to look the other man in the eyes again. “Right. Sorry about that. I just, I got pretty freaked out, I guess? We’re so close now, in each other’s space all the time, that it felt natural…kissing you, I mean. I don’t…I don’t think Christopher has been the only one thinking of the three of us as our own little unit,” he admitted, his heart seeming to roar in his ears as he looked at the other man, daring to hope.

“Buck,” Eddie whispered reverently, drawing even closer to Buck as he spoke. “And no. No, querido. Christopher is definitely not alone in thinking of us as familia,” he continued softly, reassuringly, his hands cupping Buck’s face in his hands, leaning forward just enough until their lips met in a tender, quiet dance. 

TBC...


	4. It Could Be Worth It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simply put? Eddie's Point Of View.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all, I'm so sorry for the wait on this one. Aside from Real Life I have no clue what the hell happened. But I have plans to keep this fic going, so don't worry. :) And man, I seriously hope Christopher ends up being as adorable to my readers as I think he is. Y'all have been awesome with all the comments and kudos. Thank you. I hope this one will end up being worth the wait. <3

When Eddie first moved himself and Christopher to L.A., he just wanted his son close to his mother even if Shannon had no intention of playing in the part of a ‘happy family’. 

She had signed the divorce and custody papers Eddie had served her with. However, if Christopher ever wanted a relationship with his mother Eddie wanted his son to have that opportunity if it came up down the line. So being civil with Shannon was a must, if only for Christopher’s sake. Which brought them to L.A.

Once Eddie had secured his position at the 118 Bobby felt it would be beneficial for him to meet the rest of the team as soon as possible.

Hen and Chimney were welcoming enough, but Buck kept his distance, his attitude surly whenever Eddie would interact with him.

Eddie, rather than getting frustrated and angry himself concerning Buck’s attitude, became curious. He sought out Chimney for advice to see if it might help him figure out why Buck had singled him out.

“Hey, Chimney?” he asked one afternoon the two of them were on the same shift.

“Hey, Eddie. What’s up?” Chimney asked.

“What’s Buck’s deal?” Eddie asked him.

“Excuse me?” Chimney asked, his confusion evident.

“I mean, I’m just wondering if he’s always acted this way toward new recruits or if he’s got a problem with me specifically?” 

“Oh. No, I-I wouldn’t take it so personally, Eddie. Buck’s girl just up and left him recently and he’s been struggling to move on since then,” Chimney explained.

Eddie nodded, his thoughts drifting to Shannon briefly, only too aware that it seemed he and Evan Buckley had more in common than the younger man knew.

**

When Buck first entered Eddie’s life, Eddie couldn’t help hearing that small, nagging voice in the back of his mind telling him that he was screwed. He couldn’t deny the fact he found Buck attractive, physically speaking. But as much as he would’ve liked to have been another one of Buck’s ‘conquests’, he found he couldn’t go there with the younger man, no matter how tempted he might’ve been. And Dios was he tempted.

But like with every decision in his life he had to think about Christopher first. And since he had his son to think about, it was easy enough to shut down the desire he might’ve been feeling. To blatantly ignore it most days. No matter how many sleepless nights occurred as a result.

What he hadn’t counted on, what, in retrospect, he should’ve seen from a hundred miles away coming at him faster than a speeding train was Christopher’s growing attachment to Buck. The bond the two of them had rapidly cultivated with one another, some days Eddie could readily admit it left him breathless, mostly for reasons he wasn’t willing to examine too closely in the light of day.

But if anyone could break Eddie’s resolve that he was doing what was best for everyone involved, it was Christopher. And with a few choice words and a well-timed puppy dog face Christopher did just that in regards to Buck.

**

“Hey, Dad?” Christopher asked one night over dinner.

“What’s up, little man?” Eddie replied with a soft smile.

Christopher’s brow furrowed for a moment. “Does Buck sleep at the station?” he finally asked, a worried expression cutting across his features.

“What gave you that idea?” Eddie asked him.

Christopher bit down on his lower lip as he looked at Eddie with wide eyes. “I just, I heard him talking to Chimney yesterday while I was at the station with you. He, uh, he said he couldn’t sleep alone forever, that he was tired of feeling like all he was doing was standing still.”

Eddie felt his heart pick up speed, the roaring of it seeming to flood his ears as he completely spaced out over what Christopher had told him, the gears in his mind slowly whirring, the faint inkling of an idea popping into his head that made all the sense in the world. Now only to get Buck on board…

“Dad? Hey, Dad? Daddy? What’re we going to do? Buck needs us,” Christopher begged earnestly, successfully pulling Eddie from his own thoughts, finally.

Eddie gave his son an apologetic smile. “Sorry, mi hijo. What do you say to the idea of Buck coming to live here with us?”

Christopher grinned from ear-to-ear in response.

**

Eddie loved having to go into work without Buck on occasion, if only for the single reason of being able to come home after a long shift to find his son and best friend in the middle of dinner, his own plate ready to be warmed up in time to join them. Or finding the house cloaked in darkness (with the exception of the TV’s glow), Buck and Christopher passed out on the couch, the remote held loose in Buck’s grasp while Christopher slept sprawled out on the man’s chest, his head pressed snug up against Buck’s chin.

It was scenes like these that warmed Eddie’s heart and made him grateful Buck had agreed to his suggestion in the first place.

But then everything changed again a few short months later, in the middle of January.

**

Eddie found himself with Christopher coloring at their kitchen table one afternoon when Buck came through the door, holding several grocery bags as he entered the room.

Eddie felt himself grinning like an idiot having Buck finally home with them again, thoroughly amused by Buck’s teasing.

Rather than tensing in anticipation having Buck up in his personal space a few minutes later Eddie felt himself relax completely against the other man, relieved to have him so close in that moment, the two of them comfortable with each other.

And then Eddie’s thoughts derailed momentarily hearing Buck’s soft spoken endearment for him, the gentle press of lips against his own leaving him utterly speechless as he watched Buck’s retreating form walk back through the kitchen once again, intent on bringing more groceries in from his car.

Running a hand over his face, Eddie returned his focus to coloring, his entire body on edge as he waited for Buck’s return. He hoped like hell the other man hadn’t spooked himself with his own actions and taken off.

Letting loose a breath he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding upon hearing the backdoor slam again a few minutes later, Eddie slowly got to his feet.

“Buck, please, stay. We can-we can talk about this,” Eddie pleaded, watching Buck put the groceries he’d brought inside onto the table, his gaze wary as he shook his head profusely, letting out an indecipherable noise in protest before taking off for his bedroom.

Eddie swallowed hard, feeling indecisive about his next actions as he glanced at Christopher.

“Chris?” he finally choked out. He flashed his son a weak smile when Christopher looked up from the picture of Wolverine he’d been coloring. “Help me with the groceries, huh?”

Christopher nodded, getting to his feet and started handing Eddie things out of the bags Buck had brought inside.

“Call Maddie, Dad,” Christopher suddenly suggested.

“What, mi hijo?” Eddie asked in surprise.

“Maddie. She helps people who have emergencies, right? She could help us with Buck. Especially because she’s his sister. She knows him real well and can help us figure out how to stay together and keep being a family,” Christopher insisted.

Eddie swallowed hard again, tears welling in his eyes as he nodded in agreement to his son’s words, chuckling briefly. “You’re right, Chris. Maddie probably could help us,” he agreed.

Pulling his phone from his back-pocket Eddie quickly pulled up Maddie’s number.

A few minutes later Maddie answered. “Eddie?” she asked hesitantly. “Is everything okay with Christopher? Oh, wait. Is it Buck? Please tell me my brother hasn’t done something unforgivably moronic.”

“Hey, Maddie. Yeah, Christopher’s doing great,” Eddie replied, winking at Christopher as he spoke. “And actually, I-I did want to talk to you about Buck,” he continued, fumbling his words a bit out of nerves as he thought back on what had transpired between him and the younger man.

“What’s going on, Eddie?” Maddie demanded, worry suddenly inflected in her tone.

“Buck… He, uh, he kissed me,” he murmured.

“He what?” Maddie asked breathlessly.

Eddie blushed, biting his lower lip for a moment. “A little bit ago. The thing is, I don’t even think he meant to do it. Not intentionally at least. I mean, we-we’ve been spending so much time together…”

“The lines have become blurred?” Maddie asked knowingly.

Eddie chuckled. “Well, yeah. And I don’t… I mean…”

“Eddie, did you want Buck to kiss you or not?” Maddie replied.

“What? No. I mean, yes, yes, I-I absolutely wanted him too. It was unexpected, sure, but I haven’t thought of much else the past several weeks other than us being together. Of-of being a family,” Eddie rambled a bit hysterically, swallowing hard before going on. “It’s just…he’s great with Chris, Maddie. Chris adores him too, and if Buck thinks all of this has become too much I don’t-I don’t know what I’ll do. This’ll devastate my son, Maddie.”

“And you too, it sounds like,” Maddie said.

“Yeah. I-I really need to go talk to Buck,” Eddie murmured in agreement, his limbs shaking with the adrenaline coursing through him.

“Okay, Eddie. Call me back after you guys talk. I’m rooting for you both,” Maddie said, a smile in her voice as she spoke.

“We will. Thanks, Maddie,” Eddie said before hanging up the phone. He made his way slowly toward the hallway, reaching Buck’s room. He’d been about to knock on the door when Buck opened it instead, giving him a faint smile as they stood in front of one another.

“Hey,” Buck mumbled.

“Hey. You kind of left me all kinds of confused back there,” Eddie said, his hands suddenly seeming to have a mind of their own as he gestured in the direction of the kitchen. Smooth, Diaz. He silently berated himself, wondering why he felt so out of his element. It wasn’t like he didn’t know how to flirt. He knew how to flirt. Didn’t he? It was Buck’s doing really. The guy left him feeling all kinds of unraveled in regards to his feelings at times. Like now.

But then Buck continued to talk, leaving Eddie a little speechless. He was saying everything Eddie had felt at one point or another in the younger man’s company. And when he mentioned Christopher not being alone in his thoughts about the three of them being a unit? Forget it. Eddie was so gone on Buck that it was bordering ‘ridiculous’ territory.

He was quick to reassure Buck that he wasn’t alone in his thoughts or feelings. Not by a long shot. And then…Finally…they kissed again. A real kiss. Soft, sweet and everything Eddie had hoped their first kiss would be.

TBC...


End file.
